Mar 15 2011

I Can Fly

That’s right – I can fly, just like Superman (although not as fast – let’s be realistic). I can take off from a standing start and simply defy gravity by lifting off into the air. I can then soar through the air with perfect control and land gently on the ground at will.

You might ask how I can perform this amazing feat. Well, I don’t know how it works. I just know that I can do it. To those skeptics out there who say that this is impossible, I ask them to have an open mind. After all, science does not know everything. Look at Galileo, or that guy who claimed that ulcers were caused by bacteria. You cannot prove that human flight is impossible. What about quantum mechanics?

The inability to explain how something works does not mean that it does not work.

Scientists are taking levitation and flight seriously. Remember that picture of the levitating frog on the cover of Nature?  I think personal flying comes from the ability to harmonize the intentionality wave function with the quantum gravity field.

In any case, I suppose you want some actual evidence. Well – here’s the thing. When other people are looking I get nervous and that short-circuits my flying ability. So I can only fly when not being observed, or filmed in any way. But I have the experience of flying, and you can’t argue with that. I think I would know if I were flying through the air or not.

But I do have some representative evidence of other people flying. Here is a still photo of a man effortlessly lifting off the ground. You can see that he is about two feet off the ground, if not more, without any visible supports. Now, skeptics have dismissed this sort of evidence (so-called yogic flying) by saying that he is simply leaping into the air, but I find it highly implausible that someone could leap that high in the air from a seated position with their legs crossed, therefore actual flying is more likely.

If that picture does not convince you, here is another one.  In this picture you can clearly see that this person is high off the ground. Nothing but sky.

Once again skeptics have pointed out to me that the photo also has nothing in it that can provide a reference, but how picky can you get. First skeptics say that the person is too close to the ground, then they complain that they can’t see the ground in the photo. Will any evidence convince them?

Here is another picture – this person is clearly not jumping, they are high off the ground, and there is a background for reference. This addresses all of the objections of skeptics. She is not using the wires to fly – they are only there as a safety precaution for insurance purposes.

And, for those who are still skeptical, here is a photo without wires. This guy is clearly high off the ground, which you can see for reference, and there are no support wires or anything else. This man is flying.

There are not many photos or videos of myself flying, for the reasons I stated above. I cannot take a picture of myself while flying, for technical reasons. Plus flying requires my full concentration. But occasionally someone on the ground will capture a photo of me flying, like this picture. You have some trees for reference, there are no support wires or anything, I am clearly high off the ground. The picture is a bit out of focus, but that’s because I am moving so fast.

The above evidence is absolutely compelling, and only a closed-minded hardcore skeptic would deny the reality of my flying ability. Perhaps they are just jealous. They are clearly deniers. They say there is no evidence, but they ignore the copious evidence, like that above. They demand nothing short of in focus video showing clear flying without the possibility of wires or other support, with context and visual references, that cannot be explained by free fall or jumping.  These demands are unrealistic, and frankly mean spirited.

They offer separate implausible explanations for each piece of evidence presented, but refuse to even consider the simple and elegant explanation for all this evidence – that I (and others) can fly.

The same, of course, is true of many claims that the skeptics dismiss. Let’s take homeopathy, for example. The notion that substances diluted out of existence can still transfer their essence to water, and then to a sugar pill, and then to the body when the pill is dissolved in stomach acid, and the sugars broken down to simple sugars, and then absorbed into the blood stream – is as implausible as the claim that I can fly like superman. But that does not mean that homeopathy does not work. Science doesn’t know everything.

Sure – under their precious “double-blind placebo controlled” trials, homeopathy doesn’t work, but perhaps science simply isn’t up to the task of proving that homeopathy works, or that I can fly. Many people believe that homeopathy works, and their subjective anecdotes should not be dismissed. There is also all kinds of evidence for homeopathy – as good as my pictures above. They may not be well-controlled, or large, or properly randomized, and the results may not be unambiguous (well, not all of those things at the same time) – but they are some of those things some of the time, and are still evidence.

Sure, placebo effects cannot be ruled out – but perhaps homeopathy works through placebo effects, just like some people can fly by jumping out of an airplane (and that, of course, proves that I can fly without jumping out of a plane). What’s the definition of “flying”, anyway, and who’s to say that my definition is not the correct one.

Skeptics who refuse to accept this evidence, for flight or homeopathy, are just negative people who kill the human spirit. They would have been there with those priests throwing Galileo in prison for looking through a telescope and challenging their dogma. Some of them are clearly on the take, also. That’s the only explanation for their opinions. I think most of them work for “Big Airline” and want to keep the truth of personal flying from the public to protect the profits of the airline industry.

Here’s the best part – anyone can fly. Personal flying is an innate ability we all have, it just needs to be set free. You have to first unburden yourself of any doubt or critical thinking. I can teach you how, through my seminar and practice sessions.

I am even trying to get licensed, but the state does not currently recognize personal flying instructor as a legitimate profession. It’s just a matter of time, however. I am tirelessly lobbying the state government to recognize and license personal flying instructors. This way, the state can earn money from the fees, and the public will be protected from unqualified instructors. You don’t want just anyone teaching you how to fly.

Remember – if you keep an open mind, there is no telling what might find its way in there. Happy flying.


BTW:  For any journalists without a science background, or TV producers out there – the above is satire.

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