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Nuclear Baby Will Eat Your Soul

Thursday is the end of the world, which sucks because I’m going to pub trivia tonight and the prize is always money off your next bar tab and there’s just no way I’m getting back over that way Wednesday because that’s the big Scooper Bowl and then I have to do the podcast. I mean, maybe if the end of the world comes really late Thursday, since after work I can’t get to the bar before 7pm or so. All of which is to say . . . well, I’ll just let this image do the talking for the moment, and we’ll continue after the jump.

That’s right, on Thursday, the Nuclear Baby will tease back his bangs, lovingly cradle his giant doobie, and ride the EXPLOSION of SIN straight into your living room, fool. Crazy Texas-based cult The House of Yahweh is trusting that the third time’s a charm when it comes to naming doomsdays — September 12, 2006 came and went with little fanfare and June 12, 2007 was a great big non-doomsday disappointment, but this time they’re so totally sure that June 12, 2008 is absolutely IT. Nuclear Baby will have his day.

The HoY has seen a lot of poor press in its history, like when its leaders have been prosecuted for raping kids and then occasionally killing kids, too. If you head to the HoY site, you’ll find a helpful “Fact or Fiction” page addressing these claims. See?


* The House of Yahweh is a dangerous cult with guns and ammunition.
* The House of Yahweh offers animal sacrifices.
* House of Yahweh Members are locked in and no one is allowed in or out.
* House of Yahweh Members are only fed bread and water but work long hours daily.
* Everyone’s possessions go to The House of Yahweh.

Okay, so nothing on that list is actually addressed or debunked on the site. So . . . I guess all that stuff’s true.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a heads up so that you can plan your final days accordingly.

Special thanks to everyone who sent this in, including Mike W., Greg, and others. It has just occurred to me that when normal people search their GMail for “doomsday” they only get one, maybe two results. I had 54.

(Cross-posted on Skepchick!)

14 comments to Nuclear Baby Will Eat Your Soul

  • Yeah, but Rebecca, you missed the escape clause used on one of the other prophesied Ends of the World due to The Baby:

    ‘by Yahweh’s Authority this baby is being held back’

    Thursday, Yahweh is going to step in and use His Authority again – I’ll bet my Peter Popoff collection of Holy Artifacts on it.

  • Pikatron

    Cool, Doomsday is nigh! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Chortle, chortle…I’ll have to get front row seat tickets to see all those pretty fireballs. No, wait, I wonder what the HoY’s reaction will be when Thursday comes, and Piff, NOTHING! Well, maybe in 2009… I’m ashamed that these lunatics are members of my own species, and residents of the same planet as me. Great post, Rebecca!

  • An annual doomsday? Hmm, why not, might catch on. Seems more appealing than Valentine’s Day anyway.

  • Traveler

    It would be a great holiday for those of us who love to procrastinate. That presentation I’m supposed to deliver next week? Why bother working on it when next week will never arrive?

  • Thespis

    Eh, I didn’t have any plans for the weekend anyway.

  • Hey, it’s Thursday in this part of the world. We’re still here…

  • It’s probably scheduled for later in the day so all Americans have time to pray properly. Still time to repent!

  • OK. Only three hours to go then. I’m pulling up a chair and cracking open a beer. I’ll let you know how it goes.

  • esmitt

    That makes about 52,716 apocalypse predictions and counting. You know, one of these times they’ll get it right.

  • Jon Blumenfeld

    Sigh. I guess I’d better go ahead and write my blog entry for today, then.

  • Good heavens… they’ve got a page of downloadable MP3 sermons and I’m listening to the one from March 8th this year. It’s illucid. 29 minutes in he claims that wheat rust is a sexually transmitted disease. That’s right: wheat rust is an STD. Now he’s warning his congregation away from lemons because “lemons have got lots of different bad things in ’em”.
    Here’s his unique take on climate and agriculture (at 35:15):

    Wheat supplies, already tight, might be hit by global drought. And this of course, they’re saying, is because of the STDs that’s killing our firmament. Urm, they’re not saying that, but they’re going to be saying that very soon.

    Riiiight. Is House Of Yahweh some kind of parody?

  • OK. Well as expected, Yahweh has evidently used his ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card and ‘postponed’ the Baby again. Yawn.

    Seriously though, if anyone wants a good read about why we’ll NEVER reach these kinds of people, Matt Taibbi’s Rolling Stone article Jesus Made Me Puke is unmissable. Taibbi spent some time posing as an aspirant in a Christian Evangelical cult and wrote an account of it. His conclusions about rabid belief and the way these (usually) simple-minded people are on a branch way out beyond any rational reach, are chilling. And they vote. And breed.

    If you have a really strong stomach, follow the link back to the RS online version (the version I linked is a full ‘print’ version) and read some of the reader comments. Oh boy.

  • DLC

    Wait, you mean the world was supposed to come to an end 21 hours ago ? Oh damn, I’ve been left out again.
    Rebecca: that’s the thing with apocalyptic cults.
    You have to have an apocalypse. Even if it doesn’t happen.

  • Steve Page

    Festinger, Riecken and Schachter’s “When Prophecy Fails” (1956) is an excellent analysis of the psychology that underpins cults, and it shows that if the apocalypse/arriving mother ship/judgement day fails to materialize, those who’ve invested heavily in it will perform incredible mental gymnastics in order to make the evidence fit their changing belief. In this case, as in 1956, it will probably be something along the lines of “Because we were so devout, we were spared in order that we may continue our work, enlightening people as to the forthcoming day of doom”, or similar. I kinda pity them.

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