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The SGU: Mouthpiece of Satan

Alexander Cornswalled is a Midwestern Conservative Christian who is not particularly fond of The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe. Cornswalled says that he helpfully reviews podcasts that the kids in his church are listening to, and the other day he chose the SGU. I know, I was pleased, too! Let’s see what he has to say!

The hosts pretty much accept global warming as gospel truth . . .

If by “accept . . . as gospel truth” he means “engaged in serious inquiry followed by a healthy discussion of the facts and a careful examination of both sides of the issue before tentatively erring on the side of the scientific consensus,” then yes, yes we do.

. . . and they’re all unapologetic atheists.

That’s not true. Evan once apologized for not believing a god.

Just kidding . . . in fact, we rarely discuss our beliefs (or lack thereof), and depending upon your definition, the word “atheist” may not apply to all of us.

The podcast is as anti-Christian as they come.

Considering that we rarely if ever address purely religious matters, that’s certainly hyperbole. When a certain Christian belief can be tested scientifically, such as faith healing, we’ll address it. However, it’s not like we have an official SGU Jesus pinata, and every week we take a good whack at it hoping to finally release the delicious candy contained within.

The pinata is actually shaped like a festive donkey.*

Even if you set aside the wholesale endorsement of vaccination, their wholesale rejection of homeopathy . . .

Ah, now we’re reaching the meat of it. Not so fast there! Let’s not set aside those things, because they’re quite important.

Honestly, this bit surprised me — Corny certainly makes himself out to be the voice of everyday Christians. In my experience, though, every Christian I know (and I know a lot) separates belief in god from medical matters like vaccines and homeopathy. I’m glad they do, because otherwise they might fall for Corny’s brand of ignorance. See, Corny believes this:

If you don’t trust God to protect your family then don’t be surprised when God removes his protection and lets Satan strike your family down.

which is probably the greatest argument in favor of carefully examining religious faith. People who accept this uncritically are putting themselves at great risk, which is why we often hear of measles outbreaks among followers of the First Church of Christ, Scientist, who believe that very thing.

Luckily, I suspect most Christians believe that God blessed man with a very clever brain, and He expects that brain to be put to good use — like, by developing drugs and procedures that extend and enhance our quality of life. There’s the old joke of the man waiting in his home as his town floods, and when he is told to evacuate he says that God will save him. Eventually his ground floor floods, and when the lifeboats come to his window he turns them away, sure that God will save him. Eventually he must retreat to his roof, and a helicopter descends with rescuers reaching out to him. He waves them away, because surely God will help. When the flood finally washes him away and drowns him, he arrives at the Pearly Gates and finally meets God face to face. “God,” he cries, “why didn’t you save me?” God shakes his head and says, “You moron, I sent you a frigging helicopter.” The God kicks him in the nads and tells him to go to hell.

Corny calls vaccines “liquid blasphemy,” which I always thought was reserved for booze. He believes that children who die from treatable illnesses deserved it, and are the natural result of God’s wrath.

Corny backs up his hatred of vaccines by suggesting they are part of a dangerous plot to kill millions of people. This conspiracy theory is not well-fleshed out, but he does back it up with a random anti-vaccination web page’s interview with an anonymous person who claims he was once in the “inner circle” of vaccine developers. I don’t think I have to go in-depth to explain why that’s not a reliable source of information.

Sorry, back to his review of the SGU:

. . . their complete lack of regard for anything supernatural and their unthinking acceptance of all things humanist . . .

True that we have a lack of regard, and not true that we accept anything in an unthinking manner. Regard has to be earned, and to borrow a common phrase around these parts, “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” Once we see that evidence, we will regard a claim as highly as we regard any other newly supported scientific claim.

. . . there’s still their constant ridicule of Christ and his followers.

“Constant” is not the word. That would just get boring.

Though we’re only human and do occasionally kid around about a particular fraud or peddler of crap, we do our best to focus on the wacky beliefs, as opposed to the wacky believers. It’s a subtle distinction I imagine Corny (who I am, admittedly, ridiculing with the nickname) is unable to grasp or uninterested in grasping, because for him, exposing a belief as false is out of bounds. His faith is unshakable, because he won’t allow anything close enough to shake it. His mind is made up, and no amount of evidence for, say, the efficacy of vaccines will ever convince him.

There is nothing redeemable in this podcast. It’s a propaganda mouthpiece for Satan and his followers.

There’s nothing I can argue with here. That’s just pure hilarity and would go on our movie posters if we had such things.

The content is a lock step repetition of the same humanist lies that have plagued the United States since the invention of the “separation of Church and State” fiction.

This is the last thing I’ll really address in Corny’s “review.” He seems to be very interested in politics (and I get the feeling he’s a tad bit conservative), so I’m not sure why he would have such hatred for the founding fathers, who came up with the “invention” of separation of church and state. I’m also not sure why it’s deemed to be fictional — does that make everything else in the US Constitution fictional? You may have heard people like Corny claim that the words “separation of church and state” do not appear in the Constitution, which is correct. The exact wording is the following:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . .

We could go on for days about all the misconceptions people have about the separation of church and state, as well as the idea that the country was founded by or for Christians, but I really can’t stand to spend much more time on Corny today.

He finishes his review by talking about how he feels sad for us, since as nonbelievers we struggle with the idea of death. He listened to our great but rather sad interview with George Hrab at TAM6, in which we have a deep conversation about the nature of death in a world without an afterlife. Corny would prefer the safe comfort of concrete knowledge attained with no inquiry and backed up with no evidence, rather than the more challenging real world, where we don’t know, and will probably never know, what happens to us once we stop living. Life is a grand adventure, and at some point we’re all going to have to close our eyes and step into the unknown. Man, that’s scary, and I don’t blame people for retreating to a safer fantasy, where they are guaranteed a place to live forever with all the pets they’ve ever lost. I may not blame them, but I don’t envy them, as Corny may think I should. John Stuart Mill suggested that it was better to be a “Socrates unsatisfied than a fool satisfied, and better a fool unsatisfied than a pig satisfied.” I’ll settle for being a fool, and while the metaphor is fresh and ready to be mixed, I’ll stop casting these pearls all over Corny’s front lawn.

As a bonus round, I dug into his site a bit to find out what he had to say about some other podcasts. Here are a few choice quotes for your amusement:

On This American Life:

From American Public Radio, it’s a blatantly liberal highly political “Stories about Liberals in distress” program. Think of it as the Lifetime Channel for Liberals.

Delete it if you see it.

Actually, it’s from American Public Media and Public Radio International, presented by Chicago Public Radio. And technically, it’s more like the Oxygen Network for Liberals.

On The Prairie Home Companion:

Delete it if you see it, but don’t panic. It just means your kid likes drivel or dislikes Lutherans.

I actually agree with that one.

On Polyamory Weekly:

This is easily the most dangerous and socially destructive podcast I’ve ever heard.

I thought the same, until I heard the podcast version of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

On Open Source Sex with Violet Blue:

My computer started showing a slideshow of naked people with whips when I hit “play” and things went downhill from there.

He’s probably right — when you start with pictures of naked people holding whips, the only place to go is down. He also mentions that “if you find it on your child’s computer delete it and bring your child to your pastor or a Christian counselor immediately,” presumably for reprogramming or to get a refund.

Thanks to Gordon for sending us the link, and for all the listeners who left hilarious and thought-provoking responses on Corny’s site after I Twittered this yesterday!

*With a pregnant Mary on its back.

16 comments to The SGU: Mouthpiece of Satan

  • Adrian

    He’s probably right — when you start with pictures of naked people holding whips, the only place to go is down.

    Zing!

  • Traveler

    Why would he have a problem with SGU’s dismissal of homeopathy? Wouldn’t using homeopathy show just as much of a lack of trust of God as vaccination? Couldn’t homeopathy be considered a form of witchcraft since it seems to require magic to work?

  • MoosePasteInventor

    Reading the entry that is a reply to this reply, with link provided by Drum Billet, I saw that he linked to an article entitled “It’s legal for the states to ban Islam” located at http://www.cornswalled.com/2007/01/its-legal-for-states-to-ban-islam.html
    I just wanted to mention that, while it may not be illegal for states to ban Islam, it is almost certainly unconstitutional, the point of this country being, mainly, freedom. Also, even if it IS legal to ban Islam, then it follows that it is legal to ban Christianity, too. Then where would Cornswalled be? ;Þ

  • wastrel

    I hope he reviews Savage Love. That would be entertaining.

    Perhaps I am too permissive, but does it seem wrong to anyone else to go into your child’s computer and start deleting files and podcasts carte blanche?

  • Jim Shaver

    Nicely done, Rebecca! And I think you held your ad hominems in reserve quite respectfully. Corny is actually a rather polite nickname for a walking, talking, typing sack of rationalizations, logical fallacies, self-righteousness, and mean-spiritedness. Besides, I suspect you made his day anyway, just by blogging about him.

    Then I was going to write something about him admitting to browsing for “secs” sites, but hey, live and let live, right?

  • Is it possible to be Satan’s mouthpiece when you don’t believe in anything even remotely akin to the Christian Satan.

  • zntneo

    yes of course its possible to be satans mouthpiece and not believe in satan. Haven’t you head of the old saying:

    The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
    Charles Baudelaire, “The Generous Gambler” (Feb. 1864)

  • It would seem that Corny is a rather pious tool.

  • Traveler

    Corny must be a very lonely man. After looking at about half of his posts for September and all of the posts on his “Repeal the 22nd amendment and reelect Bush” blog, I found a grand total of ZERO positive comments to his posts.

    He also posts to Yahoo Answers. His posts there make it look like anti-vacc is much more important to him than the Christian Dominion movement.

  • alexjbutterfield

    in the podcast intro after Skeptics Guide to the Universe you should replace ‘your escape to reality’ with ‘a propaganda mouthpiece for Satan and his followers’

    just for one week

  • The mouthpiece of Satan… this reminds me of a great quote by Doug Stanhope (comedian):

    Christian: I feel sorry for you because you don’t have Jesus in your life.

    Doug: I feel sorry for you because you’re 42 years old and you still have a Boogeyman living under your bed.

    Satan… that’s baby stuff. Are we still stuck in the Bronze Age?

  • sr2

    As both a Skeptic and a “reformed-Catholic,former-agnostic, current Christian” I had to chime in here.

    First, I want to toss out an ad-hominem. “Corny” is almost too nice Rebecca. I’d go more with “dumbass.”

    He’s the type that loves to dress in the trappings of religiosity and use some anthropomorphic version of God as threat in order to control the minds of men.

    Okay, maybe “dumbass” still isn’t right. Perhaps “moron douche” fits best??

    Religion is merely the means to filter that which we cannot understand, unfortunately, it has also been one of the single greatest misappropriated inventions of man since, perhaps, government (oh, yeah, I’m also a wacky libertarian).

    I rarely find the show offensive on any grounds, even less so with regards to religion or politics because you guys all seem to go out of your way to deal ONLY with falsifiable claims.

    So from this Christian Skeptic fan, keep up the good work!! Now I’m going to go poke fiery sticks into the comments section of Corny’s response. =)

  • Scotty B

    My guess is that most of the kids in his church think he’s a big douche-bag and actually read his reviews so that they can get ideas on the great podcasts that are available for their listening pleasure.

  • Shunlight

    A funny coincidence, as a Satanist myself (laveyan), and a new listener, the podcast has attracted a lot satanists, just not the ones that believe in a “satan”, which is probably what he means…kinda gotta give the guy credit there!

  • What gets me about these type of people is the insistence that the devil is behind it all. Seriously, why do they ascribe so much power to an entity even they will admit is not that powerful? [Rhetorical Question.] My owner even catches his mother (who is Assembly of God evangelical) doing this. Thankfully, she admits it is not always the case; but it seems most “propagandist” religious books she reads say exactly that. If God is not their escape goat, then the Devil is. My owner (a recently converted Agnostic) reminds her, as she admits, that humans are very capable of damning themselves to Hell in a hand basket… or on the bus, at it were. Guess this stems from the idea of “if you’re not for us, you’re against us.”

    If science and critical thinking is that scary for them, then it would be wise for them to stop using the internet and join a Amish parish. Honestly, I have more respect and admiration for the Amish so I would have to retract that last statement and just wish them to wake up, remove their heads from colon inspection, and maybe take a breath of fresh air. Besides, God will condemn us all to Hell so why should they worry? Remember, if you go to Hell, it was meant to be!

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