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Predictions Predicated on Precognition

In an effort to test my powers of prediction, here are a bevy of events that will happen in the year 2009:

 

An enormous breakthrough in solar energy storage technology, as the capacity to store the harnessed energy will double from today’s current limitations.

One hundred new exoplanets will be discovered.

A long lost piece of classical music composition by Beethoven will be revealed.

A heat wave will encompass North America that will send the power grid into rolling blackouts, worse and more widespread than the blackouts of August 2003.

A well known celebrity will report that they have been abducted by extraterrestrials aliens.

The Chicago Cubs will win baseball’s World Series – their first championship since 1908.

Shark attacks on people will increase by 100% over 2008 totals, leaving scientists “baffled”.

Unemployment in the USA will peak at 9.0%.

One, or more, major movie studios in Hollywood will declare bankruptcy.

Scientists successfully genetically engineer a hypoallergenic species of dog.

Terrorists will attack a US warship, the first since the bombing of ‘The Cole’ in 2000.

Telecommunication companies worldwide will not be able to maintain infrastructure needs to meet the demand of broadband internet connections, effectively causing the internet’s overall speed performance slow compared to 2008.

Solar activity will continue to be low for the first half of the year, and then regain activity in the second half.

US President Obama will be the first US president to set foot upon Antarctica.

A “missing link” of dolphin evolution will be unearthed and identified.

Element Number 120 (and 119) will be created.

A new air speed record for non-”space” vehicles will be set, eclipsing the 7546 miles per hour speed achieved in 2004.

 

There. Nice, specific, and plausible. You won’t get those kinds of predictions just anywhere. I’ll add to this list as more “divine” ideas enter my brain over the course of the year.  Feel free to jot down your predictions too!

11 comments to Predictions Predicated on Precognition

  • DLC

    Jenny McCarthy will embarrass herself yet again.
    Oprah Winfrey will be implicated in another tabloid-created scandal.
    Larry King will Retire.

    Someone connected to this site will experience a personal tragedy.
    Someone connected to this site will have an auto accident.
    Someone who reads this message will witness a crime.
    Evan Bernstein will crack a joke during the recording of the SGU podcast.

    Go on, Evan.. ruin my prediction!

  • DLC

    Oh, and I forgot to add:
    you will meet a tall, dark stranger.

  • 1. The world will not end. (fn: if it does, there will be no one around to say I was wrong)

    2. Sarah Palin will first pardon, and then eat, a turkey.

    3. Pastor Rick Warren will say the word “God” at the inauguration at least three times, but no more than five.

    4. Obama will say the word “God” twice.

    5. Car companies will continue to manufacture gas-guzzling p.o.s. cars, despite the need for alternate types of vehicles.

    6. Rachel Maddow will interview at least one new Cabinet member, and quite possibly the Pres or VP.

    7. Keith Olbermann will not dye his hair. (And why should he?)

    8. California courts will hold that all marriages that were held during the “gays are okay” window will maintain validity, despite the Prop 8 law against gay marriage. Complainants will lose their battle to take it to the U.S. Supreme Court because that Court will claim a lack of jurisdiction over a state matter (marriage). Gay marriage advocates will push to overturn Prop 8, and that movement will fail.

    9. President Obama will sign a bill authorizing the FCC to censor the Internet. For everyone.

    10. Credit card companies will increase the interest rates of all their customers (“victims”) just before Congress rules that credit card companies will be prohibited from doing so — and that ruling won’t be retroactive.

    11. Multiple successful “civilian” stratosphere trips will increase in popularity, decrease in price, and make NASA look even more incompetent, which will prompt the government to nix even more space development and funding, which is generally what makes NASA look so bad in the first place.

    12. Sports will continue to be about 3000% more popular than science, and will receive about that much more funding.

    13. An amazing archeological find will prove once and for all that baby Jesus played with dinosaurs.

    14. “Caligula” will be made into a Broadway show and musical, and it’s about time.

    15. One prominent and famous Scientologist will denounce Scientology, claim he/she was brainwashed and mistaken, and then will claim to have found Jesus.

    16. One state (besides Alaska) will seriously contemplate secession.

    17. One house of Congress will pass (again) a Flag Desecration act. The other house will not pass it, but the margin will be the closest it’s ever been.

    18. The U.S. will have a presence in Afghanistan and Iraq throughout the year, approximately equivalent to the presence it has now (but possibly shifting from one country to the other).

    19. Marijuana will still be illegal for non-prescription consumption, and will still be illegal in most places for prescription consumption.

    20. You’ll still be able to buy alcohol and firearms, though.

    Thanks. That was fun. Depressing, but fun.

  • Drum Billet

    Tom Cruise will be bitten by a deadly snake, he will refuse anti-venom, but will not die.

    James Randi will experiment with a new style of beard.

    There will be the first confirmed sighting of a great white shark in British waters.

    Jay will not lose a single Science or Fiction.

    There will be a new blogger at The Rogues Gallery.

    Steve will take a day off.

  • “Predictions Predicated on Precognition” or “predilection for pernicious paranoia?” Heh. just kidding – couldn’t resist. My blog is called “P!” – you may qualify as a co-editor if you’re not careful.

    You forgot two obvious predictions: martial law and US military intervention in the US; use of a nuclear weapon in the middle east or Asia.

  • Nigel

    Cubs win the World Series? -now that’s just plain crazy talk.

  • Slarty

    I think you may find that scientists will be “stumped” not “baffled” by the shark attacks. Some may even “be left scratching their heads”.

  • VerlorenesMetallgeld

    Somebody will say you have real psychic abilities if one or more predictions come true.

  • Bastard Sheep

    “A “missing link” of dolphin evolution will be unearthed and identified.”

    The missing link dolphins already left a number of years ago. They left behind their common ancestor dolphins, and a vase with the words “So long and thanks for all the fish”. The relationship between them and the ones left behind is similar to that of humans and apes.

  • Rosencrantz

    Doing better than Sylvia Brown so far

    http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/third-shark-attack-in-two-days/2009/01/12/1231608582652.html

    Three shark attacks in two days in Australia. Of course it’s summer here and there’s plenty of year left to see it regress to a comforatable mean.

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